Contrary to what my title says, I don’t always scream when I’m terrified. I tend to hide actually, or confront it.
So, what am I afraid of? The first things that come to mind, a spider crawling onto my face, it’s tiny feet tickling me till I realize it’s not my hair. A snake, slithering through the grass unseen, till it crosses over my bare feet. A hand in a darkened room, reaching out to grab my shoulder, before I find out it’s only my equally terrified friend. Now these startle me, I might even let out a screech. They don’t torment my soul though.
I love adrenaline, I go to all the haunted houses, I walk in the dark till I am forced to hide under my covers from the unknown. I watch horror films, and I read scary stories. These things may tighten my chest, and make me catch my breath, but they don’t give me nightmares.
Of all the scary things in the world, I most afraid of being unwanted. I fear dismissal from a loved ones life, to not be needed anymore. I know these fears are extreme, and can cause me to panic, causing more harm than good. That doesn’t stop them. Always sitting in the back of my mind is the constant stream of unworthiness. It’s a daily fight, to convince myself I’m ok, that people want me around. Which is all rather silly, because I really do love alone time.
Is it paranoia? Or just a silly phobia? I don’t think I’ll ever know, but if I spread the love and happiness to the ones around me, I don’t think I’ll have any cause to worry.
This is day 18 of my 31 day challenge, stay tuned for more daily! Challenge Link